Вицове, vol. ∞

[alter ego]

[Kristo]

[lunatic_moon]

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

[FloWersOfEviL]

Before ..., you help each other get naked. After ..., you only dress yourself.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you when you're f*cked.

Ужасно гаден е

[FloWersOfEviL]

Човек и добре да живее.. се жени.

[FloWersOfEviL]

Ве аре, ве! Трипъл пост..

Чукча се качва в тролей и перфорира два билета.
- Защо перфорираш два билета? - го питат хората.
- Защото мога да изгубя единия.
- Ти може да изгубиш и двата билета.
- А, аз съм умен, имам и карта.

[MidwinterSun]

Айде да ти прекъснем серията тогава

По време на разгорещен спор с жена си, мъж вдига телефона, набира местния фитнес център и пита:
- Извинете, колко трябва да е висок един мъж, който тежи 110кг?
- Към 2 метра, отговарят от фитнеса. Мъжът затваря телефона, обръща се към жена си и заявява:
- Видя ли бе, казах ти! Не съм дебел - нисък съм!

[menina.do.mar]

After 25 years of service the postman was about to retire.
On his last day he walked the same routine as he did for 25 years.
When he arrived at the first house the people gave him fishing gear and wished him happy retirement.
When he arrived at the second house the people gave him camping gear and wished him happy retirement.
When he arrived at the third house a blond lady opened the door and invited him in. They went upstairs and had dirty s*x for about two hours. She then made him breakfast and afterwards handed him a dollar.
The postman was surprised, he asked: “Today you gave me the greatest s*x I had for years, and breakfast was nice, but what’s with the dollar”?
The blond lady answered: “Last night, I was talking to my husband, I told him that today was your last day, and asked what should we do?”
My husband said: “F*ck the postman! Just give him a dollar.”
“adding breakfast was my idea!”

[Bragi]

A guy embarks on a mission to climb Mount Everest. He climbs for awhile until he sees a stunning, naked woman.
She asks him "Do you want to .... me or to succeed?". He answers "I'm sorry, but it's really important for me to climb this mountain" and continues on.
A little while later he comes upon an even more beautiful, naked woman. She, too, asks him "Do you want to .... me or to succeed". Again, he says that it's important for him to reach the top and continues.
Nearing the top, he sees another naked woman, even more beautiful the the first two - quite possibly the single most beautiful woman in the universe. Same question "Do you want to .... me or to succeed?" and same answer.
Finally the guy reaches the top and sees there a huge and naked black man who says "Hi... my name is Seed"

[Borisg]

Негърка си купува чорапогащник. Продавачката пита:
- Черен или прозрачен?
- Все едно

[FloWersOfEviL]

Стиг, http://forum.uni-sofia.bg/forum/viewtop ... 95#p831495
Сироп, http://forum.uni-sofia.bg/forum/viewtop ... 45#p599045

[Borisg]

Стиг, http://forum.uni-sofia.bg/forum/viewtop ... 95#p831495
Сироп, http://forum.uni-sofia.bg/forum/viewtop ... 45#p599045

[FloWersOfEviL]

Съчувствам ти

[The_Soldier]

Между блондинки:
- Направих си втора дупка на ухото!
- И как е, по-добре ли чуваш сега?



‎- Представи си, вчера за майтапа пуснах във вестника обява, че днес в 12:00 на централния площад ще има сбирка на глупаците! Ха-ха-ха!
- Сигурно никой не е дошъл?!
- Целият площад беше пълен, всички дошли да видят кой ще дойде!



Учител попитал учениците в клас:
- Ученици, колко мислите, че е високо училището?
Един ученик отговорил:
- 1 метър и 30 см.
- Защо мислиш, че е толкова високо? - попитал учителят
- Ами висок съм 1 метър и 50 см, а училището до гуша ми е дошло!



Син на една мутра се прибира след последния учебен ден и баща му го пита:
- Е, как е, сине, как се справи?
- Пет двойки, тате! – отвръща синчето.
- Мале-е-е, голям бой ще падне!
- Знам, тате. Вече съм им взел адресите.

[alter ego]

В интервю за Ал Джазиира Осама бин Ладен потвърди новината за смъртта си.